So Free

Here i am standing on a rooftop of a three story building where i afford to have a unit wondering, how lucky i am to be able to see this world's beauty. These tall buildings, moving vehicles, and people that i see from here all makes me feel so free.

The view of the setting sun. Reminds me of the days where i try to give the best of me as a student, a worker, as a son, and a lover. Feeling like i'm on the top of the world, coz finally after life's up and downs that i've been trough, i manage to fulfill all of my dreams.

I climbed the edge of the building and stand there. As the airwaves started to dance with my hair i started to realize how good God is and how wonderful his plans for me are.

I remember when i was young i always blame God. I always blame god for how my family struggle and for how we must accept the fact that we are not fortunate like other families residing in elegant houses, private residences and there living their good life.

My father was worried hearing all that from a young me. So he slowly sat next to me and said "Don't blame God. Good God in heaven is watching us having his master plans. But God don't want us to just sit and wait here, do nothing. He want us to do something for us to reach our dreams. Like how a teacher wants to see his/her student's eagerness to learn. Look at me i'm old but i never stopped trying for you and your mother, my family."  My dad told me that, and if not because of him i don't know what and where i would be right now. He motivated me and made me a better man. He's the one who planted faith in my very poor young heart. That's why i miss my dad so much.

I feel so free. I got every person i love with me. My caring Mother, my supportive Brother, Friends that is always here for me, and a beautiful, loving wife Darlene. Even though we can't have a baby, we never lose hope trying and we feel so blessed just to have each other.

It's getting dark. Streets now leaded by bright diamond lights. The huge cross upon the nearest sanctuary, glowing a blue beauty every human being would love to see from here. As i look down on it, i feel calmness, feel so relieved, i don't know but all these makes me feel so free. Like for my hungry heart and soul, positive wide open eyes is the feeder of any image or scene in this world i can possibly see.

I sit there not minding if careless i may fall. And again i open and read what's on that letter i received this morning. Im crazy because after reading i turned it into a paper plane and fly it along the wind. I regret nothing. I accept my destiny. And my tears fall as the paper plane hits the lonely ground.

Here comes my wife Darlene in her early pajamas. She's giving me a curiosity look so i jumped back to stop her wondering what's happening with me. I held and kiss her hand, and i didn't let her go like it's the last time i can feel her.

As i bring her to the spot where i've been viewing things for almost three hours. She smiled. And suddenly she turn her look so far, and because she's not looking directly on me i didn't expected what she speak out and said "Finally we're having our most precious gift of God."

Her good news. That news worried me because it made the bad news even harder to tell, how will i confront her the bad new. It made me even harder to tell her what the doctor stated on the letter that days, months, weeks, anytime and anywhere my no cure disease can kill me.

I hugged Darlene and i looked up in the sky. There i whisper God a one last favor. "Let me see my child before taking me with you into your paradise.